I Finally Came Out

I know I'm still fairly young and I still have a long way to go on my journey of transition but it feels like I've done a lot already.  In fact, I've taken what I think is the biggest step of all.  I finally came out, and I mean to everybody!
I can still remember the first time I realized something was really different about me.  I was fourteen and I had a dream, but it was nothing like Mr. King's!  In my dream I was myself and there was a boy my age flirting with me and after a short while he leaned in to kiss me.  At this point it was like a movie camera had zoomed out, panned around to shift angles, and then zoomed back in.  Next thing I know, I'm the young guy and I'm kissing a beautiful girl.  I woke up with my heart racing, almost as fast as my mind, and burst into tears.  I sobbed desperately into my pillow out of embarrassment, confusion, and fear.
For the next four years it was a long road of denial.  I wasn't interested in men but that was only because I hadn't found the right one.  I was constantly looking at women but only because I was comparing my body to theirs' and certainly not because I thought they were attractive.  Eventually though, like all bad charades, mine came to a screeching halt.  I had fallen in love... with a girl!  I was eighteen and in college and she was my best friend.  From that moment on I could no longer deny my attraction to women.
I did, however, continue to date men and avoid my own masculinity.  I actually did fall in love with a man and we dated for two and a half years.  The problem was that as our relationship progressed I became more and more aware of the fact that I didn't want to be with him, I wanted to be him!  Near the end of our relationship he told me he could see me being a good man and a good boyfriend... just not to him.  It felt like the affirmation I had been waiting my whole life for, even though it came with a heavy price.
From that moment on I found every way I could to assert my masculinity, no matter how small or private.  I bought some men's clothes, told my  best friend how I felt, and started going to gay clubs.  I also started the blog you're reading now.  I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions I had been suppressing for years and the more I expressed my masculinity the more right it felt.
Now, don't get me wrong, this wasn't all peaches and cream.  For a while I became hyper masculine which on some level I knew was fake and awkward.  However, as time went on I settled into myself and accepted my femininity.  By doing this I stopped playing the macho role and became a man.
That's when I knew I had found my true identity and I was ready to come out.  There was no more questioning, only acceptance, and it was time for the world to know and accept me also.  I had opened up to my older sister, my best friend, and a few other people already.  Now came the hard part, telling my mother!  It happened so fast that I can barely remember.  I had not planned it, I was just telling her about my new life in Oregon and next thing I knew I was rambling on about how I've always really been a boy.  Poor Mom, she didn't know what to say, but she took it like a champ.  She simply asked me to give her time to process this new information.  I told her I understood and that of course I would.
After that it was fairly easy to come out.  I had my Mom, sisters, and best friend so there was no one left to worry about losing.  If there was anybody else that didn't want me in their life I didn't need them.  So, a week later I logged into Facebook and made one heck of a status update!  It detailed that I'm transgender, that my name is now William, and that I'm happy and proud.  I even changed my header photo to a rainbow that read "I'm coming out!"
The response I got was better than I'd dared to hope.  Friends and family from all over, even people I barely spoke to, left messages of love and support or at least a thumbs up.  It's been about a week and I have yet to be told that I'm an abomination by anyone.  I'm now living my life truer than ever before and, far from the scary, difficult road I thought it would be, it's one of the easiest things I've ever done.  The truth is always easier than a lie.  The difficulty is finding out what the truth is; that's the journey we are all on. 

As my journey continues I know there will continue to be hard decisions to make.  I have to choose when and how to start testosterone and whether or not surgery is right for me.  For now, the toughest decision I have to make is "Men's" or "Women's" when I go to the bathroom.  I still find it terrifying not knowing who or what is on the other side of that door!  Though now, I can handle it all knowing I am no longer alone.

Movie Review - House of Boys

Since the last two movies I reviewed focused on lesbians I decided to do this movie review on "House of Boys" which centers around gay teens.  It promised to focus on a young runaway who is hired as a dancer for a gay club so I was really looking forward to some award worthy drag performances.  However, I was sorely disappointed because the movie was anything but.
I began to sense that I wouldn't like the movie within the first ten minutes.  There are so many scene changes and unexplained character introductions that it's dizzying trying to follow it all.  Finally, we get to see our main character, Frank who is played by Layke Anderson, end up at the House of Boys.  He is introduced to Jake, played by Benn Northover, who is to be his roommate.  There's just one thing, Frank falls for Jake even though Jake is straight!
From this point things go from bad to worse and perhaps it's because there were three writers, Jean-Claude Schlim who was also the director, Christian Thiry, and Robert David Graham.  It seemed like the vision for this movie was ill conceived because the plot is slapped together haphazardly.  It's a shame because the actors are great and the characters fit together well, but the writers focused too much time on horrendous drag routines, unessential characters, and superfluous sex rather than on character development and dialogue.  By the end of it we find ourselves in the middle of a campaign to raise awareness of AIDS.  I don't have a problem with raising awareness, but it's not what the description promised.
Unfortunately, I can't even say the costumes or music were any better.  They were both hit and miss for me and some were downright cringe worthy!  At least the camera man knew what he was doing because the cinematography was very sharp and professional.
At the end of the day my favorite part of this movie was the transgender character Angelo who becomes Angela, played by Steven Webb.  Unfortunately, that's just not enough to change my mind or raise my rating.  I give this movie two stars and I wouldn't recommend it to watch.

How to Come Out to Your Parents

For many in the LGBT community coming out is a terrifying process and coming out to family seems akin to sentencing your own death.  We’ve been told for so long that as soon as we come out we will be abandoned by everyone that we know and love so we stay in the closet and we let the cobwebs grow.  I myself was worried sick for years and years, trying to change who I was and then simply hide who I was so that I wouldn't have to deal with telling my family.  I thought they would hate me and I was scared of being kicked out of the house or disowned.  While this never happened my relationship with my family was strained for many years both prior to and following my coming out.  I realize now that most of this was a direct result of my inability to communicate properly.  I was too scared to have an open, honest conversation with my family and so I let all communication die entirely.  Hopefully I can help you to avoid the mistakes that I made!  In order to successfully come out you are going to need a plan of action and these are the steps I wish I had taken so many years ago.  It would have saved my family and I a lot of heartache!

Step one is simply to focus on yourself.  You need to be honest with yourself about who you are and accept the person you are becoming.  Keep a journal and use it to work through your feelings and anxieties.  (Warning - make sure this journal is well hidden or destroy the paper you write on as soon as you are done!)  Write in a stream of conscious, where you just write every thought that comes to you as you have it, to bring to the front of your mind thoughts that you may otherwise deny or push away.  Or you can write your daily events and how they made you feel.  Also, I believe analyzing your dreams can help you to understand your thoughts and emotions and help you to make new discoveries about yourself.  To unlock the full potential of your dreams see my previous article on lucid dreaming.

Step two is to make sure that you stay connected with your family.  This may be difficult and even painful but it is very important.  At this point your family has not given you any reason to hate or mistrust them so don’t.  For a long time I assumed the worst of my family and began to treat them as if they had already disowned me.  This is the worst thing you can do!  You are only causing yourself and your family unnecessary pain and creating resentment that will make it even harder to come out.  You may even cause them to believe that your bad behavior is a direct result of you being LGBT and they may think it’s a psychological illness that need to be fixed.  Ultimately, our families love us and want us to be happy and hate anything that makes us unhappy, so stay positive!

Step three should be to do as much research on LGBT topics as possible!  Even if you think you are bisexual, research lesbian topics as well.  Even if you think you are gay, find out information on transgender issues.  At this point you are questioning because you really don’t know who you are and you have a lot to figure out!  It’s ok if you research something just to say that it doesn’t feel like what you are going through because the more you know about what you are not the easier it is to be sure of what you are.  You should also read about what science is discovering about being LGBT and what psychologists are learning about our community.  You should get familiar with LGBT terminology and read blogs and watch videos about actual LGBT people.

Step four is to find support groups either online, in your school, or in your community to help you through this time.  This is incredibly important because these support groups can help you with the first three steps.  They can also help you to connect with others in the LGBT community so that you can begin to create friendships and get helpful advice from others.

Step five is to begin creating dialogue with your family about LGBT topics.  You are already doing research and learning a great deal of new information about the LGBT community so use this to open a line of communication with your family.  This will give you the opportunity to understand what their feelings and beliefs are and to let them know that you support the LGBT community.  Even if your parents don’t like it, you do have the right to form your own opinions and to disagree with them.  For example, if they think homosexuality is unnatural then you can tell them about the hundreds of animals that have gay sex in the wild.  If they think being transgender is an illness you can tell them about fish and frogs that transition all the time.  All of these things can open their minds to new ideas without them even realizing.  That way when you are ready to tell them your secret they already have knowledge on the subject which they can draw from.  They will also understand you better and understand how this change is what you need to be happy.  The most important thing to remember here is that you are having a discussion, not an argument.  Never, yell, scream, cry, or call them names because they disagree.  Just know that they have deeply rooted beliefs and it’s going to take time for them to accept these new ideas.

***If at this point your family becomes adamant that LGBT people are sick or sinners, that they need conversion therapy, if they become extremely angry and scare you or threaten you, or if they abuse you in any way then stop talking to them about LGBT issues immediately and seek help from a counselor or therapist!  Do not come out to them if it will put you in danger in any way!***

Step six, tell a safe person.  By a safe person I mean someone who you can go to live with if things get bad at home.  Choose someone you know will love and support you no matter what.  This person should be someone you trust to keep your secret and not out you.  Someone who will allow you to tell your friends and family in your own way on your own time.  They could be an aunt or uncle or maybe even a friend’s parents.

Finally, as long as steps one through six have been successful and you feel ready, it’s time to tell your family.  Chose a time when everyone is calm and tell them you need to talk to them.  Be straight to the point and be firm.  Do not expect the worst and jump to conclusions and become defensive, angry, or upset.  Instead, try to stay as calm as possible.  They may not take it well and they may say ignorant or hurtful things, but most likely they don’t realize how they are being hurtful.  You need to allow them to make mistakes and ask stupid questions and just try to correct them and answer them as best as possible.  Tell them you love and trust them and want them to be a part of your life and that’s why you told them.  Tell them you can’t change but that you understand they need time to process and adjust.  And they do!  You have had years to understand and accept who you are and it’s been a hard road for you!  It’s going to be the same for them so understand that they will need to process this information and learn to accept it as well.  Things will (most likely) get better with time as long as you stay committed to being honest with them about who you are and continue to try to connect with them.

I sincerely hope that this helps you and that you are able to have a wonderful coming out experience.  Life on the other side is usually so much more free and enjoyable that you wonder what kept you in the closet so long.  It can be extremely rough at times, but I assure you that things get much easier as you get older.  This world is changing rapidly and the LGBT community is making large strides in becoming better understood, more accepted, and gaining more rights.  We’re all fighting for you so don’t forget that you also have a family in us!

Movie Review - Blue is the Warmest Color

Since my first introduction to this film was actually a negative response video on YouTube, I was understandably apprehensive about watching “Blue is the Warmest Color.”  However, my morbid curiousity got the better of me and I’m glad it did because I love this movie.

Interestingly enough the original writer, Julie Maroh, felt much the same as the YouTubers and hated the film.  She wrote it as a black and white graphic novel with only highlights of blue and thought that Abdellatif Kechiche, who adapted it to a screenplay and directed the film, misconstrued the concept.  She accused him of making it into a cheap, sexual fantasy rather than focusing on the raw emotion.

I have to disagree!  I think that the emotion between Adele, played by Adele Exarchopoulos, and Emma, played by Lea Seydoux, is subtle yet electrifying!  It’s painful yet beautiful to watch Adele grow into herself, first with the help of Emma and then startlingly alone.  Rather than spell out everything she is going through, the entire film is characterized by deep conversations and subdued foreshadowing to guide your understanding of the phases of Adele.  The beauty of this quiet approach is that it allows the viewer to draw on their own experiences to relate to the characters and form their own conclusions.

To complement this very stylistic approach the movie does use the color blue in much the same way as the graphic novel to highlight the passions, or lack thereof, of Adele.  The music is also very quiet and subtle, almost imperceptible, to subliminally enhance your emotions without distracting from the raw, gritty realism picked up by the camera.

Overall, I think this movie is incredible and I give it 4.5 stars making it a must see.  I recommend it on a night when you wish to be swept away by nostalgia to remember the whirlwind of your first romance.

Why Learn How to Lucid Dream

There seems to be a lot of discussion lately on lucid dreaming, especially amongst the YouTube-ing community.  In fact, I’ve made several of my own videos about lucid dreaming which you can find at the link below.  In case you don’t already know what a lucid dream is, it’s when you know that you are dreaming as you dream.  This gives you the potential to manipulate your dream world so that you can do whatever you want.  

I first heard the concept of lucid dreaming in middle school when one of my friends told me he could control his dreams.  Of course, he was just using this ability to release sexual tension.  I tried for a while and had very little success (I could never convince my dream characters that it was a good idea to have sex with me) so I gave up… until recently.  I recently rediscovered lucid dreaming and found a whole new context for how it could be used; that is, dream therapy.

Now, you may be thinking I’m crazy, saying to yourself, “You need real therapy!”  How can you have therapy without a therapist?  Well, it’s true, I’m not saying you should give your therapist a pink slip and start sleeping all the time.  However, dreaming can be a powerful tool, especially if you are going through something as difficult as transitioning your gender.  The reason it’s so great is that during your dreams you have access to your subconscious mind.  When you talk to a therapist most of what they are doing is trying to unlock your true feelings, your inner most fears and desires.  What if instead of spending countless hours in endless therapy sessions going around in circles you could ask your subconscious directly and have an answer in seconds?  In your dreams you can!

If you have a lucid dream you can close your eyes and tell yourself, “I want to speak to my subconscious.”  Then you can imagine your subconscious mind as a dream character standing in front of you.  When you open your eyes they should be there and then you will be able to have a conversation with them.  You can ask them questions that your conscious mind hasn’t been able to or hasn’t allowed you to answer yet.  Sometimes, your subconscious character will even give you information that you didn’t think to ask about or lead you to new questions you haven’t thought of yet.  By doing this you can access your true feelings and do away with a lot of confusion.

You can also use your dreams as a chance to meditate on positive intentions for your life and your goals.  Specifically, as a transgender person you can create a mantra like, “I am ready for transition.  I am happy about my transition.  I will love myself before, during, and after my transition.”  This can dramatically reshape your mood and give you more confidence.  Also, if you have a particular fear about transition your can choose to either face that fear head on or you can talk to your subconscious dream character about that fear in order to get advice.  This can be a powerful way to overcome hurdles that might otherwise stall or even prevent your transition!

I’ve also come up with my own “lucid dream program” to aid my transition.  First, I will meditate on seeing myself as a masculine person and affirming to myself that I am already a man.  I am confident that this will carry over to my real life and make me more confident in my masculinity and my transition.  Also, I am a big believer in the power of mind over body because I have seen and experienced first hand amazing results with meditation and thought channeling.  Therefore, I will also use my dreams to tell my body that I am overflowing with Testosterone.  I will tell myself that this Testosterone is changing my body by causing more muscle mass, growing a beard, shutting down my menstrual cycle, and deepening my voice.  I can’t say for sure that this will work or what kind of results I will get if it does, but I’m confident it will at least have low levels of effectiveness.  I also think it will make me excited about transition and make me feel more positive about my masculine body image.

At any rate, your overall goal with lucid dream therapy should be to learn more about yourself and learn how to accept and love yourself for who you really are.  Transition can be scary and it can take us years to realize that it’s what we need to be happy!  Sometimes, we start transition only to realize how difficult it is and we become too scared to continue.  If you can use your dreams to make this process easier to understand and easier to deal with I say, “Why not!”  It’s free, it’s fun, and you do it every night anyway!  

Sweet dreams...

If you want to learn how to lucid dream watch my instructional YouTube video at:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-63tIzEpvvA

If you want to hear about my lucid dreams visit my YouTube channel at:

https://www.youtube.com/user/EamonWill/videos

Dealing with Peer Pressure (Transgender Perspective)

Peer pressure is pressure from others to think, say, or act in a way that they prefer rather than accepting you as who you are.  As a transgender person I have dealt with peer pressure a lot.  Unfortunately, there are only three ways to deal with peer pressure; accept it, ignore it, or actively resist.

At one point or another we have all given in to peer pressure.  Either we were too scared or just didn’t know how to say no.  It has happened to all of us and it will continue to happen.  However, I do not recommend this as the proper approach.  As soon as you start giving in to peer pressure it will be expected of you by both others and yourself.  It’s all too easy to slip into a habit of allowing others to change you and soon you’ll find that you have lost touch with who you really are.  Not knowing who you are and not being true to yourself is the best way to end up living a really miserable life, and for what?  So you can pretend to be friends with a bunch of people who don’t like the real you?  No way!  So now you know that option one was never really an option to begin with, so what should you do about peer pressure?

Well, your next option is to just ignore the pressure.  Seriously!  You always have the option of just not responding.  You can walk away if you want.  Or, my personal favorite, just stare at them without saying anything.  That should make them feel awkward enough that they stop harassing you.  What I love about this approach is that it is so simple.  Don’t get me wrong, it still takes guts to do this, but it’s not complicated.  You don’t have to come up with an argument or a reason why you don’t agree with them or won’t do what they say.  You just simply don’t/won’t, end of discussion; literally!  In my opinion awkward silences are easier to deal with than awkward conversation and it leaves them zero wiggle room to break you down so I find this the easiest approach.  However, if you really want to make a statement go for option three.

The third option is to actively resist.  This can be simple like saying no or can go as far as having deep conversations about why you don’t feel the same as them.  It can also be as comical as saying things that are so beyond what they would expect that you throw them off completely.  This is my ultimate weapon.  Let me give you an example.  I was at work and had a co-worker tell me one of our customers couldn’t tell if I was a boy or a girl.  I’ve been through this enough to understand the underlying message was, “You’re different, you should change.”  Instead of feeling embarrassed or awkward I decided to spin it around and make her feel uncomfortable for bringing it up.  I laughed and said, “Oh, yeah, I don’t care.  I think gender is a ridiculous construct of an overly oppressive society.”  I got a better reaction than I could have ever hoped for.  Her eyes got big and she said, “Oh,” and walked away.  That was the end of that from her or anyone else!  A word of warning though, you should not do this unless you are willing to accept the consequences.  This can get really awkward or embarrassing really fast so you have to be committed to seeing it through!

Basically, I’m telling you all of this because peer pressure has the power to make us feel worthless and helpless and no one should have to feel that way.  We’ve all felt afraid that we weren’t good enough at least once in our lives because someone else made us feel like we had to change.  But it’s time to realize this is a lie.  The truth is, if someone else has a problem with you they are the one with the problem.  It’s not your responsibility to make them happy.  It’s your responsibility to make you happy.  So go let them know it!

Benefits of Being Trans

Usually we look at being Trans as an ailment; a condition to be corrected or a difficult struggle to be overcome.  I understand those feelings and I’ve had them as well.  However, I also embrace much about what it means to be Trans.  I really feel like it’s a journey to be cherished and experienced fully because like any good journey it can enrich your life.  I feel like if you're mindful about it there are four main benefits that you can get out of being Trans.

First, by being Trans you learn a great deal about yourself.  It seems the theme of so many movies that someone has a midlife crisis and has to go off to “find themselves.”  If you are Trans it’s a continuous journey of self discovery so that even as you change you are aware of yourself.  With this kind of self awareness you are able to build an inner strength most have no idea is possible.  You are also able to recognize your individual dreams and desires and with that knowledge you can set goals for yourself to reach those dreams and live a fulfilled life.  It may seem like a pain sometimes to be constantly asking yourself, “who am I, what do I want?”  But this is something everyone should do and as long as you have the courage to answer those questions honestly and be true to yourself you will be greatly rewarded.

The second great benefit of being Trans is that you gain a new perspective on life.  We are taught to believe in certain societal norms as though they are fact and we believe them because everybody else does.  When you are Trans you bust a huge hole right in the center of one of those norms; the idea that sex is equivalent to gender.  As soon as you do that it opens your eyes to the realization that nothing is as it seems because everything you thought you knew is questionable.  What else has society taught you to believe, what else do you think you know, that isn’t true?  This new perspective on life will open your mind to a more varied and interesting world, one that you can share with others and through constant questioning may change in the future.

Also, by being Trans you gain a greater level of empathy.  You have had to struggle and to deal with quite a lot emotionally which makes you better able to understand the pain of others.  Empathy is so important in our society because it helps us to build connections with others.  Our society tries to break apart into groups and segregate itself accordingly so that we think we can’t relate to another unless we have shared the same experience.  We need to learn to say, “I haven’t been through what you are experiencing, but I've been through enough that I can understand.”  That way we open our lives to a greater capacity for human connection.

Finally, it just makes you stronger!  To be Trans means to have gone through a deep, internal struggle, accept yourself fully, and have the guts to expose your true self to the world.  You can’t do any of these things without courage and once you have gone through this you can handle anything!  So congratulations, because no matter what life throws at you next you are going to be just fine.

I feel like I’m taking you down the yellow brick road, only this Dorothy has to know how to tuck.  We’ve learned who we are and what is important to us, we’ve learned our world is more exciting than we ever imagined, we’ve learned how to make friends no matter who we meet, and we’ve even gained a badge of courage!  Only, instead of learning that there’s no place like home, we’ve learned that there is no person like your true self.  So go be you!

What Not to Say to a Transgender

I have often said that there are no wrong questions and when people ask me about being transgender I really try to be as open and honest as possible.  It’s important to me that I help educate others about LGBTQ issues even if that means answering questions I’d rather not or giving up a little privacy.  However, there are those people who ask questions or make statements that are so ignorant and offensive that it’s maddening!  I try to deal with these situations calmly and educate them about their misconceptions, however, there are three things I hear all too often and wish I never had to hear again.

The first is, “You’re so pretty/attractive!  Why do you want to be trans?”  Of the three, I hear this one most often and it makes me want to scream and commit various acts of harm and hostility.  Instead, I’ve begun retorting with, “Then I’ll be a pretty man!”  That usually shuts them up for a second as they raise their eyebrows and look confused.  At this point I just laugh in their face.  Is this mean?  No.  What is mean are the gender oppressive stereotypes that fed their statement.  The obvious stereotype here is that women are only worth as much as their looks.  Their assumption is that I feel like I’m ugly/unattractive and therefore am not even worthy of being a woman.  I have to deal with my condition (ugliness) by rejecting my feminine nature and trying to be a man in a desperate attempt to find a woman who will of course love me even if I’m hideous.  If they can just convince me that I’m beautiful then my problems will be solved and I can live happily ever after as a pretty woman worthy of a man to love me.  WHAT CRAP!!!  I hate this!  Women are people and they have more to offer than a pretty face and open legs!  But what I’ve also noticed by flipping this statement around and telling them that I’ll be a pretty man is the less obvious but equally disturbing stereotype against men: that it’s not possible to be a pretty man and if you are, you’re gay.  Men are put under pressure to look good all the time.  Only the hot guy gets laid in the movie because men are supposed to look like bodybuilders who bathe in nair and they must always wear a suit or uniform and carry loads of cash.  However, if you saw this guy you would assume he was gay.  Why?  Because “real men” can’t waste time on hygiene, hair, or look too put together.  “Real men” have better things to do with their time.  It’s a double standard that has men confused and embarrassed.  They simply can’t win.  Why can’t we just admit that if you look like you’ve never seen a mirror then that’s a problem; for women and men!  But we also need to realize that’s not all that matters!  (I’m sorry for talking as if being gay is a bad thing.  I’m just commenting on the culture of our society.  Of course gay men are still real men!)

Which brings me to my next most hated comment.  One woman actually had the nerve to tell me that I needed to dress in such a way that others would be able to tell my sex!  First of all, how freaking presumptuous was she to think that she knew I must be a girl just because my sex is a girl.  This just shows how ignorant people are and how much they have bought into this idea that gender is based on sex.  Secondly, it’s none of her business.  She believes that it is though, because without knowing my sex she doesn’t know how to interact with me.  She doesn’t know what set of gender stereotypes to use to determine how to act around me and pre-determine how I will act towards her.  The way we become uncomfortable around someone whose gender we can’t identify just proves that we treat men and women differently on a fundamental level.  We go into our interactions with men and women based on stereotypes that have been fed to us by society and enforced by the media.  Without these stereotypes to guide us we don’t know what behavior is socially acceptable.  In other words, we have no idea how to treat people like people.  When someone walks up to you they don’t see you as a blank slate; someone they don’t know but are excited to learn about.  They see you as a blurry chalk board.  They have half of it filled in already, they just need to clean it up a little and add in a few things.  I don’t know about you, but that pisses me off.  Especially because I don’t fit on that board, but most people try to make me fit anyway!

Speaking of not fitting on the board, the other thing I hear quite often is, “But you’re so feminine!”  My response: “Thank you!”  What I’m really thinking: “F U!!!”  This falls directly under the “men can’t be feminine” stereotype.  Why?  I generally assume people mean that I’m affectionate and sensitive, although I’m sure there are other small things.  How are these qualities bad?  I think that being feminine makes me well-rounded.  I have a good balance between my feminine side and my masculine side so that I’m not too much of either.  I also think it’s make it easier for me to relate to women.  I can hold a deep conversation and actually understand what they are going through.  This will make me a better person and a better boyfriend.  But this statement doesn’t just bother me on a personal level.  What really irks me is the underlying misogyny that fuels this type of statement.  When you call someone feminine and you mean it as an insult what you are really saying is that it is bad or undesirable to be like a woman.  Woman are so stupid/inferior/worthless; why would you ever want to be like a woman?!  It really sucks when I hear this from a woman because they don’t even realize what they are saying about themselves!  We need to stop gender shaming women.  Men and women are fundamentally the same but women have been allowed to embrace their full spectrum of emotions while men have been emotionally stifled.  It would really benefit us as a society to stop crippling men emotionally and then acting like it’s women who have the problem!

Of course, there are so many ways that people have been offensive towards me as a transman that if I were to make this an exhaustive list it would go on forever.  Therefore, I will stop here for now.  Hopefully in reading this you have not only learned a little about what it’s like to be transgender and what you shouldn’t say to us, but also about the hurtful nature of gender stereotypes in general.  If we lived in a perfect world we would never even see gender or we would at least see it as a boundless spectrum that people can flow through.  We do not live in a perfect world.  But maybe you can start to see this world a little more perfectly.

Bible and Homosexuality - Sodom and Gomorrah

In this post I will attempt to answer whether or not the story of Sodom and Gomorrah proves homosexuality to be a sin.  I have been putting off the responsibility of writing this post for a long time because their are so many elements to consider and so little information given.  However, I have read several versions from several Bibles, read others’ ideas on the matter, and pondered this question for long enough that I now feel fully prepared to give my opinion.

The first thing I noticed while reading this story is that thus far there are no specific rules of conduct that are established to be followed.  There are not commandments, nor any other lists of rules.  The only thing that is certain is that God requires people to know, love, and obey him.  Other than that we are given two clues to what God believes is sin.  The first is in Genesis 6:5 which reads, “And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.”  The second is in Genesis 6:11 which reads, “The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence.”

The second thing I noticed is that, although this story is usually told as if God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah based on what happened after the angels arrived, God actually made plans to destroy the cities and then sent the angels to determine if this was necessary.  In Genesis 18:20-21 God speaks to Abraham about His plans when he says, “...Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous; I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it…”  Abraham, knowing his nephew Lot lived there, became concerned and implored God not to destroy the city for the sake of the righteous men their.  God promises, in Genesis 18:32 that if he can find even just ten righteous men he will not destroy the cities.

As the story continues we see that Lot meets the angels at the gate to the cities, offers them shelter in his home, and that night all the men of the cities demand that Lot allow them to “know” the angels.  Subsequently, the angels agree that the cities are filled with wickedness and God destroys them, saving only Lot.  If you believe homosexuality is wrong, of course you can read this to agree with your opinion.  However, that’s much too presumptuous and leaves out too many factors.

First, Lot met the angels at the gate, which implies that he knew or recognized them somehow.  Abraham knew these men and recognized them as angels who walked with God, so it is safe to assume that Lot also either knew them already or could see that they were angels.  This would prove that he is a man of God and keeps company with God regularly as Abraham does.  Because the other men of the city did not recognize these men or know them as angels this would imply that they have no relationship with God and are therefore not righteous men.  Furthermore, when the men demand to “know,” or have sex with, the angels they are showing a lack of respect for God and his kingdom.  There lack of respect seems more significant to me than in what form they chose it to be shown.

Since many people seem to overlook the fact that these men were showing violence and contempt towards angels, I’ll focus on the idea that these men wanted to “know” other men.  Well, that may be true, but what they were really wanting was to rape these men.  Calling raping a man homosexuality is like calling a square a rectangle.  Yes, a square is a rectangle, but you are blatantly ignoring the fact that it is a very specific type of rectangle.  Rape is a very violent act and God has already shown his contempt for violence.  Now, you may want to jump in and say, “Well, what about Lot offering his daughters to be raped?”  While this is true (and disturbing) there are two good reasons why this is different and does not prove that homosexuality is the wrong being committed.  As I said before, Lot most likely knew these men were angels.  I say this both because he met them at the gates and because he was not surprised at all nor did he question them when they delivered their message from God.  Wouldn't you do almost anything to protect God and his kingdom or also to stay in God’s good graces?  Secondly, even if you don't agree that Lot knew these men were angels, it is obvious that at this point in history men were valued exponentially more than women.  A woman being sacrificed to save a man is not surprising at all.

For these reasons, I believe that this story proves only that violence against a man and/or contempt for God and his kingdom is seen as the ultimate wickedness/sin and that homosexuality, in and of itself, is not seen or commented on in this story.  Therefore, I really don't believe this story alone could prove homosexuality is a sin.

I hope you enjoyed this exploration of the Bible and homosexuality and, if you did, please stay tuned for the next installment of this series!

Supreme Court Ruling on Protester Buffer Zones Affects LGBT Community

Yesterday, 6-26-14, the unanimous vote on Supreme Court case McCullen v. Coakley ruled that it is unconstitutional as per the First Amendment to enforce a buffer zone of 35 feet upon petitioners and protesters outside of abortion clinics in Massachusetts. To the LGBT community I would like to say that I implore you to think seriously about the implications and ramifications of such a ruling.  Right now buffer zones for protesters of every LGBT Community activity are on shaky grounds!  This Supreme Court ruling has created a precedent which makes any buffer zone unconstitutional and up for appeals.  Our First Amendment right gives us the right to free speech, it does not give us the right to force others to listen! I encourage you to tell others about this unjust ruling through Facebook, Twitter, in person, or by any other means possible and to contact the Supreme Court to let them know what a grave mistake they have made!

U.S. Mail:Supreme Court of the United States
1 First Street, NE
Washington, DC 20543

Telephone:202-479-3000
TTY:202-479-3472
(Available M-F 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. eastern)

Gay is Not a Choice

I have never understood people that claimed that being gay (or any part of the LGBT community for that matter) is a choice.  Nothing has proven or supported that theory ever in the history of mankind.  In fact, every last shred of evidence proves the opposite.  But still, in the face of scientific fact many people continue to believe and spread the lie that being gay is a choice.  So instead of talking facts, I just want to talk about common sense right now.  These are the reasons it's simply illogical to believe that being gay is a choice.

Number one:  If being gay was a choice why would we lie about it?  It would save us a lot of time and energy and wasted breath if we just admitted that it was a choice rather than fighting tooth and nail that it's not a choice.  Furthermore, why would every single one of us lie about it?  Not some, not most, but all of us are adamant that being gay is simply a part of us that we had no control over and that there was no option for us to make the choice to be gay or straight.  If it was a choice at least one of us would have slipped up and said so don't you think?  Or do you really believe that we have the power to create and perpetuate such a global conspiracy even in the face of being such a fractured, ill-connected community.  If that's the case, I wonder why we haven't overthrown the government yet!

Number Two:  If being gay is a choice then that means sexuality as a whole is a choice.  It would mean that everyone who is straight had to make the conscious effort to be straight and not to be gay.  It would also mean that every straight person has the ability to change their mind and become gay if they wanted.  This means you too!  Go ahead, try it.  Imagine a hot, sweaty person of your same gender rubbing all over your naked body... now really, really try to enjoy it because you want to be gay!  Did it work?  Did you feel your sexuality changing?  No!  I wonder if it has something to do with hormones, brain chemistry, or neural receptions?  The fact is, attraction is an instantaneous reaction to stimuli that are controlled by biology not conscious thought.  Because it is instinctual and subconscious is it unchangeable, no matter how hard we try.  If you did "choose" your sexuality, it means you are living a lie.

Number Three:  Why would anyone make the choice to be subjugated and discriminated against?  Everyone wants to be normal and fit in with society.  Everyone wants to be happy and healthy and successful.  But globally, gay people are disowned by family, friends and community.  They are discriminated against in the workplace and in housing.  They are raped, beaten and tortured by their communities.  They are even imprisoned and murdered by their own governments!  In the face of such adversary members of the LGBT community everywhere are in hiding.  If being gay was a choice they would have never chosen to live this way!  And if it was a choice and they did chose to be gay not fully understanding the consequences, they would have certainly returned to being straight as soon as they understood the repercussions.  

Number Four:  If being gay is a choice then why are gay teens and adults killing themselves?  If I choose to do something it’s because I think that choice is in my best interest and will lead to happiness.  I assume everyone works off of this same basic principal.  If so, why are so many gay teens and adults unhappy with the “choice” to be gay.  If they were happy they certainly wouldn't be offing themselves more than any other demographic in the country. But according to The Trevor Project "LGB youth are 4 times more likely, and questioning youth are 3 times more likely, to attempt suicide as their straight peers." I would think that if it’s so easy to choose your sexuality, you could choose to be straight faster than you would choose suicide, don’t you think?!

Number Five:  If it’s a choice to be gay, then why doesn't gay conversion therapy work.  Actually, I would like to point out that if it’s so easy to choose to be gay then it would be just as easy to undo this choice and we wouldn't even need conversion therapy.  Anyway, conversion therapy exists, so let’s just deal with that.  There have been countless gay conversion camps all over the globe that touted that they could cure your gay child or even you!  But in the end, no one has ever been successfully converted and many people who have been through these camps or have worked for them directly have exposed them as lies.  Take Michael Bussee and Gary Cooper for example.  They were the founders of an ex-gay ministry called Exodus International and they left their own ministry to marry each other and speak out about the tortures of gay conversion therapy.  You have it straight from the owners themselves, it doesn't work!

There are so many reasons why I just can’t understand the belief that being gay or LGBT is a choice and this is just the tip of the iceberg.  For those of you who don’t want to listen to science maybe you will listen to reason instead.  Thinking that being gay is a choice just doesn't make sense no matter how you look at it!  It’s just a venomous lie with the power to ruin or even take lives.

Perspective

Things that are more important than "protecting marriage:"

Health care
Education
Pollution

Things that are more important than whether I'm a man or a woman:

Our foreign policy
Unemployment
The stock market

Things that are more important than whether or not that girl you don't know is a lesbian:

Police brutality
The Tea Party
The housing market

There are so many things that our country needs to be worrying about right now and the battle against the LGBT community is not one of them.  It's unconstitutional, and therefore against everything this country is founded upon, to take civil rights away from or discriminate against any group of citizens.  Politicians are only still arguing against gay rights issues because they want to distract you from the real issues.  Stop letting politicians jerk you around like a puppet using the strings of your emotions.  Let's start focusing on what's really important because we are on a slippery slope.  If we can justify taking rights away from even one of our citizens then we can justify taking rights away from all our citizens.  All the while, politicians are gaining power over us and passing legislature that cripples us and we don't realize it until it's too late!  Wake up to the real issues.  Tell your local and federal politicians that we want more rights for all citizens and we won't be passive about politics anymore!

Path of Least Resistance

Not too long ago I took a flight home to see my mom and sisters.  This was the very first flight I've ever taken so I was mesmerized by the view.  As I was staring out the window I realized that everything man-made is divided into rectangles.  If you've ever flown or seen aerial pictures of the world you might be saying, "Uh, yeah, duh!"  But I had to ask myself why rectangles?  Why haven't we divided our land into circles or triangles or any other shape?
Well the answer is that rectangles are simpler for us.  Other shapes are awkward and they don't easily allow for equal division of land.  Other shapes don't split into even, equal rows for crops.  It's even easier to mow grass if we can go up one side and down the other in a rectangle.  Basically, it just makes life easier and we are programmed to want to take the road of least resistance.
It's the same in our social lives as well.  We find it important to avoid negative interactions and so we avoid conflict almost to an extreme.  This means that in a situation of oppressor and oppressed the oppressed will allow the oppression to continue as long as they can stand.  But the longer the discrimination continues the more savage it becomes and the more difficult it becomes to deny it's injustice.  Therefore, it is inevitable that a conflict will occur when the oppressed fight to gain or regain equal rights.
We have seen this before in the Civil Rights Movement of the African American community and we are seeing it again in the civil rights struggle of the LGBTQ community.  We have been targeted for too long and we will not stand it anymore so we are having to fight for equal rights.
But we would never have to fight each other at all if discrimination did not exist.  If no one was ever targeted and victimized then no one would have to struggle for equality and no one else would have to struggle to keep it away.  Think of how much energy our country is spending fighting itself.  Are we so lost and confused that we have to look into our neighbor's window to find what we are passionate about?
My point is that the true path of least resistance for humankind is to treat everyone with love and respect and never oppress or discriminate against anyone.  This way our lives won't be lost to meaningless conflict.
Love_Respect_Equality_Peace.

Bible and Homosexuality - Sex is Sin

My last post on how Transmen have sex inspired me to create this spin-off about how the Bible relates sex to sin.  This is another post in my series on the Bible and homosexuality.  I am still working on that series for those of you that are interested so I apologize that it has taken so long to make another post about it.  Also, I will be writing about Sodom and Gomorrah soon, I promise.
Basically, my point here will be how absurd it is to condemn a person based on what type of sex they have.  Before I even get to what the Bible says I would like to point out just how little we even have sex.
The average person:
Starts having sex at age 17 and stops having sex at age 70 which means they have a sexual life span of 53 years.
During one act of sex has foreplay for 20 minutes and sex for 5 minutes which means the total act lasts 25 minutes.
Has sex 103 times per year.
25 x 103 = 2,572  which is how many minutes per year they will have sex.
2,572 x 53 = 136,475  which is how many minutes they will have sex in a lifetime.
The average person lives 75 years which is 39,446,175 minutes.
136,475 / 39,446,175 = .0034597...
When multiplied by 100 this gives us .345978
So the average person spends only .35% of their life in the act of sex.
So, why are we making it out to be such a big deal?  I personally think it is erroneous to condemn someone for an act that they will spend less than 1% of their life doing.  And might I mention, it has no affect on anyone else anyway.
Now, lets see what the Bible says.  If you look carefully you can see that sex was never part of God's original plan and that sex in itself, no matter who is doing it or how, is a sin.  In Genesis Chapter 2 Verse 25 we read that Adam and Eve were both naked and unashamed.  From this we gather that they don't know what their nakedness is or what can be done with their naked bodies.  In Chapter 3 Verse 7 after Adam and Eve have eaten from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil the "eyes of them both were opened and they knew that they were naked."  Then they sewed fig leaves together and covered themselves.  Now that they have eaten from the tree and they know what sin is they are ashamed of their bodies because they realize their bodies can be vessels of sin.  Later, God asks them why they are hiding their bodies and demands to know if they have eaten from the tree.  This tells us that God never intended for Adam and Eve to know what nakedness is or to know what their bodies were capable of.  It isn't until Chapter 4 Verse 1 after Adam and Eve have been cast out of the Garden of Eden that they have sex.  From this we can conclude that all sex is sinful and God never intended for any of us to have sex.
For those of you who think my logic is flawed because the Bible refers to Adam and Eve as husband and wife and mentions them lying with one another before this happens I would like to point out that the Bible is filled with foreshadowing.   Almost everything that happens in the Bible is mentioned at least once before the Bible actually comes to telling its story.  In other words, the Bible will allude to things that have not happened yet and will later tell the story in full and explain how the events took place.  I find it obvious that's what's happening here as well.
Since sex is sin and no sin can be more sinful than any other sin then it is absurd to condemn anyone based on what type of sex they have.  None of us have the right to point fingers and say, "Your sin is worse than mine," we all just need to atone for our own sin and move on with our lives.

Tranny Sex

I have been avoiding this topic for a long time, but I can't avoid it forever and I have a friend who suggested it so I'm just going to do my best.  Basically, this topic is huge.  There are almost an unlimited amount of sub-topics under the main topic of sex so of course I can't cover it all in this one blog post.  However, I would like to try to touch on what most people seem to be curious about which is how do non-op or pre-op Transmen have sex (Since I'm not a Transwoman I don't feel I can speak for them).

First of all, everyone is different and not every Transman will want to have sex the same way.  Some Transmen won't want their genitalia touched at all, some will want only their clit's fondled, and others will be comfortable with everything being touched.  It's important to talk to the person that you are with and make sure you are compatible.  By that I mean you both want the same things or at least can agree on how to have sex to make you both happy.  Also, keep in mind that while some Transmen want to be with women and would be considered straight some Transmen want to be with men and are therefore gay.

For Transmen that wish to penetrate there are several options.  You can simply use your fingers, you can use a hard packer, you can use a strap-on, or you can use a strapless strap-on.  Fingers are a great option because you can target the g-spot specifically, you have a wider range of and greater control over the rhythm, and you can orally stimulate your partner at the same time.  The draw-back is that your arm can get tired too quickly, you can't go very deep, and you don't get the same sensation of having sex as a man that you would if you were thrusting.  If you do want that sensation you can try one of the other methods.

A hard packer is one way to get the sensation of having cis sex.  A hard packer is a device that you use to pack your pants so that you have a bulge like a penis and some even have a stand-to-pee device included.  They are different from soft packers in that they usually are longer and they are stiffer so that they can be used during sex.  The drawbacks to hard packers are that they can be too long and stiff so that you walk around looking like you have a hard on all the time and if you buy a smaller or less stiff model it might not work as well for sex.  Also, the harnesses for them can be quite expensive.  Therefore, a lot of people prefer to use a soft packer and use a strap-on for sex.

Strap-ons are very versatile and come in many different shapes, sizes, and even colors.  Some even have vibrating functions to enhance the pleasure of the receiver.  Others, called dual pleasure strap-ons, have nubs, bumps, ticklers, and vibrators to give pleasure to the wearer as well.  The problem with a lot of strap-ons is that the actual straps are not well made and do not keep the device in place.  Even if you can get one that you like with tight, secure straps you might not like the way the straps look.  That's why some Transmen prefer what are called strapless strap-ons.

A strapless strap-on is a dildo with an extra phallic nub coming off the base at a right angle.  This short, round nub, for lack of a better word, is what goes in the "wearer" and the phallus comes out between the legs and protrudes like a penis would.  This is the most lifelike of all the options and can be very pleasurable to both partners.  The wearer is able to receive sensation from the inserted part and from the phallus shaft rubbing on the clit and genitals.  Some also come with vibrating bullets that both partners can feel.  However, there can be two main problems with this option.  First, it's important to do a lot of research to find out what model is best because the nub can be uncomfortable if it's not shaped right and if it's too small it might simply slip out.  Also, you shouldn't use this model if you are very dysphoric about your body and won't be comfortable with the fact that it is inserted.

Of course, these are not the only ways of having sex with your partner and you can use any toy you would like or not use any toys at all.  These are just the basic ways to mimic the way that cis people have sex.  Obviously, no matter what method you choose you will have to do a lot of research and talk openly with your partner so that you make the best choice for both of you.  In the end, go for the least complicated method and make sure you are both having fun.  After all, that's what it's all about.

Good night!  ;D

Privacy vs Exposure

As a transman I am perpetually caught in a social struggle that all members of the LGBTQ society face; should I maintain my privacy for my own sake or enhance the exposure of the community at large for everyone's sake.  I think it's pretty obvious what I've chosen, but now I think it's important to explain why.
On every transgender site I have ever been to or every transperson's blog/vlog I have ever seen I am bombarded with a list of questions that are off limits to ask someone who is trans.  I find this utterly ridiculous and counter-intuitive.  There is only one question you should never ask a transperson and that's "What is your real name?"  First of all, my real name is whatever I identify as and it doesn't matter if I chose it myself or my parents gave it to me, it's not going away.  Lot's of people change their name for all kinds of reasons.  My aunt hated her name and changed it, you don't see people giving her grief.  And when a woman gets married and changes her last name you don't see people saying, "Oh that's his name, what's your real name?"  It doesn't work that way.
Putting that one question aside, you are pretty much free to ask me whatever you want.  This isn't a get out of jail free card that means you can be rude or use me as your psych experiment, but if you are polite and genuinely interested in me or trans topics I'll do my best to answer.  The reason I do this is because I want the general population of straight/cis people to understand what trans is and know what trans people are like.  That way they don't feel baffled by us and walk around thinking we are abnormal freaks that are beyond understanding.  It also bothers me when I see people getting mad when cis people ask questions because now that cis person is still confused by trans and on top of that they now think that trans people are hostile.  You have just given that person a worse view of the trans community at large and they are going to tell everyone they know about the rude tranny they met the other day.
I'm not saying you have to answer every question, or allow people to pry beyond your comfort level, but you should never tell a person that their question is invalid or wrong in some way or that they should never ask anyone that.  We all have our own limits and your's are not the same as another person's.  Just politely explain that you are not comfortable with answering that question and then let them know about all the resources they can use to find out more if they are interested.  For example, you can tell them about websites like wehappytrans.com or you can tell them about your favorite blogger or vlogger (cough, cough).
Basically, I want cis people to know as much about trans issues and trans lifestyles as possible that way they won't be confused by us or frightened of us or spread misinformation about us.  It's important for cis people to temper their excitement and use common sense when asking questions to remain polite, but it's equally important for trans people to understand that every answered question is another opened mind.

Movie Review - But I'm a Cheerleader

I first saw "But I'm a Cheerleader" while sitting tensely in an older girl's room at the age of eighteen.  Despite my awkwardness, the hilarity of the movie soon drew me in and carried me away.  Since then I have watched it twice more and each time I laugh, I cry, and find something new about it to love.
Perhaps it's because the writer, Brian Wayne Peterson, is gay or because the director, Jamie Babbit, is a lesbian that this movie unlike so many others highlights gay rights issues while still being relatable.  They manage to show the disturbing nature of gay conversion therapy in an over the top yet light way that allows you to laugh.  The five step program of the "True Directions" camp where Megan, played by actual lesbian Natasha Lyonne, is sent by her friends and family is comically stereotypical.  It's blatantly obvious that the camp was designed by Mary J. Brown, played by Cathy Moriarty, to perpetuate her lifelong mission to "fix" her gay son Rock, played by Eddie Cibrian.
Not only is the plot well developed but the acting is superb as well.  In a movie like this, when the actors are supposed to overact, it's easy to have some actors give too much and others too little.  But this is a cast of born stars, and with half of them being gay themselves, they know how to deliver the material.  It's great to watch Graham, played by lesbian Clea DuVall, take clueless Megan under her wing and show her how to love herself... and other women.  We even get a few chemistry lessons from some of the other actors as well.  Don't worry kids, this is one class that won't bore you.
I wouldn't want to forget the set, cinematography and soundtrack either.  Together, they create a modern day town stuck in the past.  The cringe worthy gender stereotypes that the teens have to endure at the camp are magnified by the segregation of pink and blue in dress and set.  Even camp leader Mike, played by none other than RuPaul, is overtly gay but wears an all blue track suit that reads "Straight is Great."  When paired with poppy sixties style music it helps us to appreciate the surreal nature of the "safe haven" Mary has created, not for the kids but for herself.
Overall, I was blown away with this movie and to this day my only gripe with it is that I wish someone had told Graham to wash her hair.  Even still, it is my number one favorite LGBT movie thus far.  Obviously, it gets five stars from me, but I would like to know what you think.  Watch it today and leave a comment below.

The Bible and Homosexuality - Adam and Eve

In my post "The Christmas Season and My Quest for Answers" I wrote about making it my New Years Resolution to read the Bible and learn first hand what it says about homosexuality.  Though I will be reading the entire Bible I will be highlighting the key points here in my blog.  Basically, I will write about every story or quote that has ever been used to condemn homosexuality and I will be exploring it as it was originally meant to be understood as well as giving you my own interpretations.

Of course, the creation story is the first we come across and one of the most widely used.  I'm sure we've all heard the quote "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."  And that's exactly how they tell the story, God made Adam and Eve, as if that's all there is to it but the Bible says that at first God just made Adam.  It was only after Adam got lonely that God decided to find Adam "an help meet."  It was at that point that God told Adam to pick his help meet from all the animals, but Adam said that none of them were right.  Later, when Adam was sleeping God took one of Adam's ribs to form Eve, a being that was the same as him, to be his help meet.

There are a few key points that I'd like to make.

First, God didn't create Eve because it's what he wanted.  He did it because it's what Adam wanted.  Eve was a blessing from God to make Adam happy.

Second, we need to analyze what is "an help meet?"  It can roughly be translated to mean a helper, but a helper of what?  My Bible has a section at the beginning of Genesis that gives special notes to the reader to help them in understanding be meaning of the stories.  One of them says that life is a love relationship with God.  If that's true then our helper would be someone who brings us closer to God and helps us love him better.

Third, God never set any boundaries on who could be Adam's helper.  God gave him his choice of everything that was currently available.  It just so happens that there were no other humans at the time and animals can't be our helpers because they don't think on the same level as us.  I believe that while Adam was asleep God took that opportunity to look into his heart and find out who he wanted.  It just happened to be Eve.  I believe God does the same for us.  He looks into our hearts and finds out what our needs and wants are and leads us to the person that is our perfect helper.  Just as God didn't set boundaries on Adam he also doesn't set boundaries on us.

We just need to keep three guidelines in mind to help us find that perfect helper.  First, we need to find a human.  That means no beastiality.  Obviously, animals can't be good helpers on our life's mission.  Second, that person needs to make us happy.  Third, through that happiness that person should bring us closer to peace and love and therefore closer to God.

The bottom line is, if we do not allow ourselves to find out true helpers then we are denying God's greatest gift and our lives and our worship will suffer as a result.  I don't see how any of this has to do with sex or gender or sexuality.

Next:  Sodom and Gomorrah 

Lesbians in Film

I think the most disappointing thing for me when I was first starting my road to self discovery was how hard it was to find LGBT movies and lesbian movies in particular.  I couldn't find them in my home town Blockbuster or at the movie theatre.  My friends weren't raving about the new hit lesbian romance and trying to do a search for it on Netflix yielded just two results, both the worst movies I've never finished!  It was depressing and frustrating that as a young person trying to gather as much information as I could about a new community I would soon try to infiltrate that society was suppressing this information.  Lesbian themes were taboo and even the term lesbian film sparked shock and disgust in others.  There minds instantly jumped to pornography and intense Sapphic scenes meant for male masturbation.  It only adds to your embarrassment as a young person trying to find films that reflect your life if when you ask someone where the lesbian section is they give you a dirty look and try to point you to the dark curtained room at the back of the store.
So, for many years I was forced to scour through blogs to find other people's lists of their favorite lesbian movies and then search Youtube to find and watch them.  This was not easy and I soon exhausted my resources, leaving me to feel as though I would never have a proper method of finding these elusive movies that intrigued me.  As time went on I decided that lesbian movies didn't interest me anymore anyway because I wasn't really a lesbian, I'm transgender.  So for years the search dogs were called off and the lesbian films were put to rest.
However, I recently started a new Netflix account which allowed me to hit the reset button on my preferences.  It just so happened that I had heard about a lesbian film that was supposed to be very good and could be found on Netflix and that was the first thing I watched.  When it was over, Netflix gave a me a list of suggestions and when I saw that one of them was another lesbian film I figured why not, I was kind of in the mood for it, and I watched that one as well.  Next thing I know, Netflix thinks I'm a lesbian woman out for Sapphic romance and that's all it seems to suggest for me.  I was blown away.  I never knew how many lesbian films were on Netflix and they are no longer hiding in dark corners.  They even have a whole section for Gay and Lesbian under the Watch Instantly tab and once Netflix knows your inclination for these movies they start popping up everywhere.  I've now worked my way through about 20 lesbian movies and I realized, I need to let other LGBT teens in on the secret so that they don't have to suffer as I did, watching yet another straight movie about stereotypical sex roles because it's all you can find.  Therefore, I will start reviewing LGBT films as I come across them because, let's face it, a lot of them suck and you don't want to have to sit through four duds to get to one stud!
Review coming soon on:  "But I'm a Cheerleader"