Peer pressure is pressure from others to think, say, or act in a way that they prefer rather than accepting you as who you are. As a transgender person I have dealt with peer pressure a lot. Unfortunately, there are only three ways to deal with peer pressure; accept it, ignore it, or actively resist.
At one point or another we have all given in to peer pressure. Either we were too scared or just didn’t know how to say no. It has happened to all of us and it will continue to happen. However, I do not recommend this as the proper approach. As soon as you start giving in to peer pressure it will be expected of you by both others and yourself. It’s all too easy to slip into a habit of allowing others to change you and soon you’ll find that you have lost touch with who you really are. Not knowing who you are and not being true to yourself is the best way to end up living a really miserable life, and for what? So you can pretend to be friends with a bunch of people who don’t like the real you? No way! So now you know that option one was never really an option to begin with, so what should you do about peer pressure?
Well, your next option is to just ignore the pressure. Seriously! You always have the option of just not responding. You can walk away if you want. Or, my personal favorite, just stare at them without saying anything. That should make them feel awkward enough that they stop harassing you. What I love about this approach is that it is so simple. Don’t get me wrong, it still takes guts to do this, but it’s not complicated. You don’t have to come up with an argument or a reason why you don’t agree with them or won’t do what they say. You just simply don’t/won’t, end of discussion; literally! In my opinion awkward silences are easier to deal with than awkward conversation and it leaves them zero wiggle room to break you down so I find this the easiest approach. However, if you really want to make a statement go for option three.
The third option is to actively resist. This can be simple like saying no or can go as far as having deep conversations about why you don’t feel the same as them. It can also be as comical as saying things that are so beyond what they would expect that you throw them off completely. This is my ultimate weapon. Let me give you an example. I was at work and had a co-worker tell me one of our customers couldn’t tell if I was a boy or a girl. I’ve been through this enough to understand the underlying message was, “You’re different, you should change.” Instead of feeling embarrassed or awkward I decided to spin it around and make her feel uncomfortable for bringing it up. I laughed and said, “Oh, yeah, I don’t care. I think gender is a ridiculous construct of an overly oppressive society.” I got a better reaction than I could have ever hoped for. Her eyes got big and she said, “Oh,” and walked away. That was the end of that from her or anyone else! A word of warning though, you should not do this unless you are willing to accept the consequences. This can get really awkward or embarrassing really fast so you have to be committed to seeing it through!
Basically, I’m telling you all of this because peer pressure has the power to make us feel worthless and helpless and no one should have to feel that way. We’ve all felt afraid that we weren’t good enough at least once in our lives because someone else made us feel like we had to change. But it’s time to realize this is a lie. The truth is, if someone else has a problem with you they are the one with the problem. It’s not your responsibility to make them happy. It’s your responsibility to make you happy. So go let them know it!
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