Movie Review – Home For The Holidays

In the spirit of the season I found a Thanksgiving movie with a gay character hoping to impress you, the reader.  Instead, I think it’s more likely to depress you.  It’s the 1995 film, Home for the Holidays.

The story follows Claudia Larson, played by Holly Hunter, as she fumbles through Thanksgiving with her certifiable family.  Her life is falling apart before she even arrives so she begs her gay brother who happens to be her best friend, Tommy who is played by Robert Downey Jr., to come home as well.  For the rest of the movie we are forced to endure chaotic scene after chaotic scene while we try to follow long, rambling stories while two characters talk over each other.  Very typical of the ’90s style I might add.  The ending is even more cliche.  Director Jodie Foster sends us through this whole whirlwind of madness just to leave us with the point that there is no point.

I understand that 20 years ago directors were taking big risks making movies like this.  This was a new style and a new concept on life and art.  However, at the end of 2014 when I’m sitting with my own crazy family and developing a headache from their boisterous claptrap, the last thing I want to do is watch more of the same.  That said, I think this movie would have a great audience with anyone who loves the National Lampoon movies and all the mess of the Griswolds.

Now, I cannot rate this movie on Netflix because for once I am not giving you a Netflix title.  Instead, this movie can be watched on YouTube.  If you choose to do so I hope you enjoy!  Happy Holidays!

Keep the Peace to Have a Happy Thanksgiving Day

Today I only have a quick message for you; keep the peace this Thanksgiving.  Easier said than done, I know, but you will be glad if you do.

It’s all too easy during these times when we are crammed into houses too small with family members we usually avoid to end up in heated debates about political issues, especially for the LGBT.  We have to realize that something is wrong when every year we dread the holidays because last year’s memories still turn our stomachs, and not just because grandma tried another international dish.  It’s too much to hope for that someone else will change, so this year be the change that you want to see.

If Republican Ron wants to give a big speech on how gay marriage will ruin the country, then let him.  He’s only making himself look bad.  Just make sure your side of the table is discussing happy memories and laughing loudly.  I guarantee you that no one else wants to debate with him either.  They would much rather me happy and will become very interested in your boisterous discussion of how Ron got drunk and slept in the wheelbarrow last Easter.  Pretty soon everyone will be laughing and joking again in no time.

If Meddling Mona wants to corner you in the kitchen to discuss how your private life is sure to send you straight to hell, just look her directly in the eyes and say, “Today is not the day.”  Then, walk away and find people who you can have a pleasant conversation with.  If she doesn’t have enough decency to leave you alone after that then it’s best to ignore her.  Eventually she will tire of talking if no one is listening.

If all else fails, take your coffee and your phone out to the porch and zone out to Pandora for a while.  At the end of the day, you know you can’t convince them to change their minds by yelling, crying, or causing a scene.  If they want to debate with you then they can correspond with you throughout the year in a civilized manner.  I recommend e-mail personally so that all words can be carefully chosen and you can decide when you feel ready to take on the challenge.

It may not always feel like it, but we gather with our family during the holidays because we love them and they love us.  Yes, they are imperfect, but they never came with the promise to be perfect.  It’s time to put down the sour grapes and extend to them what we want in return, unconditional love.

Movie Review – I Don’t Want to Be a Man

Have you ever watched a silent movie?  You should!  Silent movies were almost completely abandoned after the invention of sound recorders, however, I doubt this was a good decision.  Silent films leave specific details to the viewers imagination, making not only filming one but also watching one a creative process.  However, since they have been left behind, they also now offer a sense of nostalgia to anyone adventurous enough to watch one.  For these reasons, watching a silent movie can be a surprisingly enjoyable experience.  Specifically, I recommend I Don’t Want to Be a Man.

Teenager Ossi, played by Ossi Oswalda, is tired of being a girl in what she views as a man’s world.  She is proud to be unruly until her new guardian, Dr. Kersten who is played by Curt Goetz, shows up to teach her how to be a lady.  Frustrated by his strict teachings she decides to break free by impersonating a man.  As she goes about exploring her new freedoms, she is surprised by new rules and restrictions as well.

This film is a social commentary about gender roles and stereotypes but it maintains a light and comical air.  As I watched I was increasingly surprised by the bold decisions director and writer Ernst Lubitsch made with the plot line.  He and co-writer Hanns Kraly created a story that was ahead of it’s time.  For 1918 German film writers, they took big risks that go far beyond dressing a girl as a boy!  Luckily it paid off for them and the film was a big hit and continues to shock and please audiences today.

I really loved almost every aspect of this movie.  The clever writing of a fun period piece always makes for a good show.  In fact, just watching the characters dramatize every move to mime emotion without words is enough to make you laugh to fall out of your seat.  Especially when a teenager is involved!  I did not hesitate to give this movie four bright, gold stars!  Catch it on Netflix before it’s too late to see if you agree.

Movie Review – Heavenly Creatures

If you are LGBT and also happen to have an interest in true crime then there couldn’t be a better movie for you than Heavenly Creatures.  This movie is based on the story of two young girls whose love for each other and contempt for everyone else becomes a deadly mix for an unsuspecting victim.

Co-written by Fran Walsh and director Peter Jackson, the movie carries us away into the fantasy world in which these girls lived.  Pauline Parker, played by Melanie Lynskey, and Juliet Hulme, portrayed by Kate Winslet, are intelligent and creative yet wildly unpopular.  They connect over similar traumas of childhood illness and develop a friendship that becomes all absorbing.  As their lives at home become increasingly stressful, they delve deeper into their own collective imagination and live predominantly in the world that they created for their books.  As their parents become ever more concerned, measures taken to protect the girls end up with tragic consequences.

Up to this film, Peter Jackson was known for horror-comedies so this was a very different type of film for him.  He proved himself worthy of the task by showing us the fantasy without distorting the facts.  The girls also should be applauded for their incredible performances for this was the debut film for both.  It’s obvious that they transcend their roles as actresses to fully embody the minds of the characters.  They are stunning in scene after scene, giving raw emotion that is both captivating and eerie.  The costume designer, Ngila Dickson, was also working at the top of her game to bring us not only a period piece but also what could be loosely described as life size claymation.

The creative attention to detail and dedication to all parts of the production of this movie take it two steps above your average Netflix experience.  I will admit, immediately after watching this film I wasn’t sure how I felt about it or how it should be rated.  I was so disturbed by it that I almost didn’t like the film.  However, I soon realized that being disturbed was half the point and in that the film succeeded completely.  Since it is a winning success of creativity, plot and acting, I now believe this film deserves five gold stars.  With that kind of rating, this is a must see!

Movie Review – Stranger by the Lake

Have you ever been so desperate for love that you made one reckless decision after another?  It happens to the best of us at least once, but I doubt very many people would take it as far as putting their life on the line.  However, that’s exactly what happens in Stranger by the Lake.

Franck, played by Pierre Deladonchamps, is infatuated with Michel, played by Christophe Paou, after he sees him at a gay men’s cruising spot.  When he learns that Michel is unavailable he bides his time until Michel’s boyfriend is suddenly out of the picture.  Delighted by his opportunity, yet wary of it’s cause, he makes his move and passion ensues.  Is it worth it?

Some may say this movie, written and directed by Alain Guiraudie, is nothing more than a sausage fest.  It is true that there is an uncanny amount of male nudity depicted in all states and from all angles.  However, such is the nature of the beast at a cruising spot and Guiraudie made every encounter an opportunity to learn more about the characters rather than bombarding us with cheap sex for the thrill.

By the end of this movie I was absorbed in deep, psychological suspense and it’s been few and far between in my adult years that a movie can do that.  I was baffled by the end until I remembered the old cliche “There are fates worse than death” and realized that many would count loneliness on that list.  What about you?  Stream this title, which I give 4.5 stars, on Netflix now to see if you would choose differently or fall in the same trap as Franck.

Movie Review – Tomboy

We tend to think that life is sweet and innocent for children. That they have not yet had to face any issues of real consequence.  However, in the years preceding adolescence many things change for us that we aren’t yet equipped to understand.  Most of us deal with these changes with the help of friends or family, but gender identity issues complicate matters and leave some of us to fend for ourselves.  Tomboy is a perfect portrayal of this, showing one girl’s struggle to be a boy.

Laure, played by Zoe Heran, has just been moved to a new town and everything seems picture perfect.  She has a loving family, she’s made friends with all the kids in the neighborhood, and she even has a little love interest.  There is only one problem, she’s told everyone she’s Mickael and she’s quickly learning it’s harder to be a boy than she thought.

I was very impressed with this film, written and directed by Celine Sciamma.  It’s a beautiful, minimalist film that draws us into Laure’s mind and makes us feel.  We are excited and scared for her, sharing her happiness and her pain.  We know the worst is coming but we hope for the best.  I was especially struck by the level of maturity that was evident in the performances of these young actors and actresses.  Zoe created subtle nuances of character that really brought Mickael to life.

The ending felt a bit abrupt and left me with several frustrating questions, however, I have no other complaints with this film.  I enjoyed watching it very much and would gladly watch it again.  Therefore, I give this beautiful drama a rating of four and a half stars.  S’amuser!

Movie Review – Girltrash: All Night Long

Wanting to watch something just for fun I decided onGirltrash: All Night Long.  I was expecting it to be silly, but I had no idea I was about to get the government cheese of all cheesy movies!  It’s an indie, rock-pop musical… yeah.

I almost stopped watching it within the first five minutes when the actresses busted out in song.  However, knowing that this would make for a very interesting movie review, I stuck it out.  The movie opens with Daisy, played by Lisa Rieffel, telling her friend Tyler, played by Michelle Lombardo, that they have a gig at a local band competition.  She admits that they only got it because about five other bands couldn’t make it… and you kinda see why.  Then we meet Daisy’s little sister Colby, played by Gabrielle Christian, who just graduated from college and is ready to come out as a lesbian; which is a little weird because college is probably the best place to be a lesbian.  She’s determined to hook up and lose her V-card but she needs help from her sister and, lucky for her, Daisy needs her car.  They spend the night chasing their tails, and sometimes each others, getting into the most insane situations imaginable.

The storyline was actually interesting in an overly dramatic kind of way.  They balanced the bits that seemed too crazy to be true with normal, everyday problems to make the whole story seem more believable.  As for the music, it became more bearable and there was even one song I liked at the end.  I will add that I typically hate pop music, so that was a real hang up for me.  Being brutally honest here, it really helped a lot that all the actresses were incredibly hot.  Who doesn’t like to look at pretty people?

While doing research on the film to help with my review I found out that the movie is actually a spin-off of Girltrash, a Youtube mini-series.  Curious to know if it would add to the movie to watch this first I looked it up.  I have to admit, I ended up binge watching all eleven episodes in one sitting; but hey, they were only 3-5 minutes each.  They were actually kinda funny, especially since they were sans singing!  What I found is that it’s not necessary to watch the mini-series first because the movie doesn’t follow the exact same plot, but it certainly won’t hurt and it is quite fun.

In the end I have to say that I am not in love with this movie.  It’s too girly, too silly, and too poppy.  However, I realize that it’s pretty cool for an independent film and that others may really like it.  So, while I give this movie about 2.5 stars per my own tastes, I would still recommend this movie to young lesbians who like pop music.

Interview with Anthony Rebello on Heterosexual Pride Parade

The LGBT community, the media, and the internet in general have been raging over the recent Heterosexual Pride Parade that took place in Seattle, Washington at Capitol Hill. The man behind this social media rage fest is Anthony Rebello. After deciding that he wanted to have a parade in celebration of his own sexuality, he took to Facebook to create an event and invite others. (https://www.facebook.com/events/426907587464714)
However, many who found the event were appalled and offended. They immediately began to accuse Rebello of being a homophobic bigot and soon took to all forms of social media to continue, and escalate, the harassment. When I heard about this I became curious and decided to see who this man was and why he thought a straight pride parade was necessary. After reading a line in his Blog, Smile Me A River, where he questioned why everyone had decided to attack him without reaching out to get his side of the story first, I knew what I had to do. I did reach out to Rebello and, admittedly to my surprise, he responded and agreed to an interview. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Anthony Rebello.

Rebello's Social Media:
Website: http://www.anthonyrebello.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/birdbutter
Blog: http://smilemeariver.blogspot.com

Movie Review – Five Dances

I’ve been trying to find a gay film for my movie review but, whether it’s because that’s not my thing or because they really were just awful, I’ve hated every one that I watched.  That is until I came across the movie Five Dances.  It’s actually a really adorable love story.

Chip Daniel, played by Ryan Steele, is in New York struggling to live as a dancer.  He snags a choice spot in a performance and meets fellow dancer Theo, played by Reed Luplau.  Their dynamic relationship of competition and friendship ultimately blossoms into something more.  We know it may not last, but we root for it all the same.

Writer and director Alan Brown did a fantastic job of showing how emotion can be presented through movement and expression.  It didn’t hurt that his actors were fantastic dancers.  Reed graduated from the Australian Ballet School, joined the Sydney Dance Company, and won the Australian Dance Award for “Most Outstanding Male Dancer” in 2009 before he moved to NYC and took up acting.  Ryan received training from The Juilliard School’s Summer Dance Intensive and many other programs and went on to perform on Broadway before he took to the silver screen.  Both men and the supporting actors were excellent in their performance and I could just as easily get lost in the dance as I could the plot.

Overall this was a really beautiful movie.  What struck me most was how refreshing it was because it didn’t rely on the time worn cliches like drugs, clubs, or broken marriages.  This is a very unique movie and a touching story of young love and that’s why I gave it four stars.

Movie Review – Kinky Boots

If you’re looking for a colorful movie with a bit of drama and a feel good ending then I think what you’re looking for is Kinky Boots.  It’s a cute little story adapted from real life events that takes you deep into the Soho transvestite’s soles; shoe soles that is.

Director Julian Jarrold made a bold decision when he cast Chiwetel Ejiofor as Lola.  Choosing someone who had no knowledge of transvestism and no experience in drag was a big gamble, but one that paid off.  Lola captures the stage in some of the best drag queen performances I’ve ever seen.  She also captures the attention of Charlie, played by Joel Edgerton, who sees her as the answer to his father’s failing shoe factory.  Together with his assistant Lauren, played by Sarah-Jane Potts, he convinces Lola to help him save the business.  In the process, they turn their little British town upside down.

Although I thought there were a few weak points in the plot, for example a side story or two that seemed underdeveloped and in the way, overall I liked the movie.  The characters were lovable and the acting was good.  For me though, it was more about the drag than anything else and on that note it couldn’t have been much better.  The costumes were big, bright, and bold and of course the shoes were impeccable.  The music was sultry and sexy and was perfectly matched to the brassy tones of Lola.  Even the backup dancers, who I usually find get in the way, carried their own and added to the splendor.

Overall, I think Kinky Boots deserves a solid three stars and is a good choice for a carefree weekend movie.  Throw it on during a night with your friends when it’s all about that popcorn laden playtime.

Movie Review – Molly’s Girl

One thing you don’t find all that often is a good lesbian comedy.  The majority of lesbian movies I’ve found are serious dramas, but if you are looking to lighten the mood I suggest Molly’s Girl.  This is a fun, silly movie that still has enough emotional struggle in it to fulfill our need to see the characters grow.

Molly, played by Kristina Valada-Viars, is quirky to say the least and Mercedes, played by Emily Schweitz, is ruthless.  Of course, they meet at a point when both women are emotionally desperate creating the perfect storm for an unlikely romance.  When the wine wears off it’s clear that they are no perfect pair, but a surprising twist keeps them together just long enough for a few lessons to be learned.

Written and directed by Scott R. Thompson, Molly’s Girl is a bit over the top but none the less fantastic.  At first I was annoyed by Molly, thinking that her character was overacted, but she actually grew on me.  Really, we’ve all met someone like her anyway.  By the end, I was fully engulfed in all the awkward humor and ended up giving this movie a four star rating on Netflix.

(Trans) Gender Stereotypes

I have often said that there are no wrong questions and when people ask me about being transgender I really try to be as open and honest as possible.  It’s important to me that I help educate others about LGBTQ issues even if that means answering questions I’d rather not or giving up a little privacy.  However, there are those people who ask questions or make statements that are so ignorant and offensive that it’s maddening!  I try to deal with these situations calmly and educate them about their misconceptions, however, there are three things I hear all too often and wish I never had to hear again.

The first is, “You’re so pretty!  Why do you want to be trans?”  Of the three, I hear this one most often and it makes me want to scream and commit various acts of harm and hostility.  Instead, I’ve begun retorting with, “Then I’ll be a pretty man!”  That usually shuts them up for a second as they raise their eyebrows and look confused.  It amazes me that they don’t see the gender oppressive stereotypes that fed their statement.  The obvious stereotype here is that women are only worth as much as their looks.  Their assumption is that I feel like I’m unattractive and therefore am not even worthy of being a woman.  I have to deal with my condition of ugliness by rejecting my feminine nature and trying to be a man in a desperate attempt to find a woman who will of course love me even if I’m hideous.  If they can just convince me that I’m beautiful then my problems will be solved and I can live happily ever after as a pretty woman worthy of a man to love me.  What crap!!!  I hate this!  Women are people and they have more to offer than a pretty face and open legs!  But what I’ve also noticed by flipping this statement around and telling them that I’ll be a pretty man is the less obvious but equally disturbing stereotype against men: that it’s not possible to be a pretty man and if you are, you’re gay.  Men are put under pressure to look good all the time, yet they are not supposed to care.  Hollywood tells men they are supposed to look like bodybuilders who bathe in Nair but at the same time “real men” can’t waste time on hygiene and hair.  “Real men” have better things to do with their time and money.  It’s a double standard that has men confused and embarrassed.  They simply can’t win.  Why can’t we just admit that if you look like you’ve never seen a mirror then that’s a problem; for women and men!  But we also need to realize that it’s not all that matters!  (I’m sorry for talking as if being gay is a bad thing.  I’m just commenting on the culture of our society.  Of course gay men are still real men!)

Which brings me to my next most hated comment.  One woman actually had the nerve to tell me that I needed to dress in such a way that others would be able to tell my sex!  First of all, how presumptuous!  This just shows how much people have bought into this idea that gender is based on sex.  Secondly, it’s none of her business.  She believes that it is though, because without knowing my sex she doesn’t know how to interact with me.  She doesn’t know what set of gender stereotypes to use to determine the proper way to behave around me.  The way we become uncomfortable around someone whose gender we can’t identify just proves that we treat men and women differently on a fundamental level.  We go into our interactions with men and women based on stereotypes that have been fed to us by society and enforced by the media.  Without these stereotypes to guide us we don’t know what behavior is socially acceptable.  In other words, we have no idea how to treat people like people.  When someone walks up to you they don’t see you as a blank slate; someone they don’t know but are excited to learn about.  They see you as a blurry chalk board.  They have half of it filled in already, they just need to clean it up a little and add in a few things.  I don’t know about you, but that pisses me off.  Especially because I don’t fit on that board, but most people try to make me fit anyway!

Speaking of not fitting on the board, the other thing I hear quite often is, “But you’re so feminine!”  My response: “Thank you!”  I know they don’t mean it as a compliment though because this falls directly under the “men can’t be feminine” stereotype.  Why?  I generally assume people mean that I’m affectionate and sensitive, although I’m sure there are other smaller things.  How are these qualities bad?  I think that being “feminine” makes me well-rounded.  I have a good balance between my feminine side and my masculine side so that I’m not too much of either.  I also think it makes it easier for me to relate to women.  I can hold a deep conversation with them and actually understand what they are going through.  This makes me a better person and a better boyfriend.  But this statement doesn’t just bother me on a personal level.  What really irks me is the underlying misogyny that fuels this type of statement.  When you call someone feminine and you mean it as an insult what you are really saying is that it is bad or undesirable to be like a woman.  Woman are so stupid/inferior/worthless; why would you ever want to be like a woman?!  It’s worse when I hear this from a woman because they don’t even realize what they are saying about themselves!  We need to stop gender shaming women.  Men and women are fundamentally the same but women have been allowed to embrace their full spectrum of emotions while men have been emotionally stifled.  It would really benefit us as a society to stop crippling men emotionally and then acting like it’s women who have the problem!

Of course, there are so many ways that people have been offensive towards me as a transman that if I were to make this an exhaustive list it would go on forever so I’ll just stop here.  Hopefully in reading this you have not only learned a little about what it’s like to be transgender and what you shouldn’t say to us, but also about the hurtful nature of gender stereotypes in general.  If we lived in a perfect world we would never even see gender or we would at least see it as a boundless spectrum that people can flow through.  Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world but maybe you can start to see this world a little more perfectly.

Movie Review – Elena Undone

For those of you out there searching for true love, Elena Undone is an inspiring story which Nicole Conn wrote and directed loosely based on her real experience of finding love with photographer Marina Rice Bader.  Nicole’s character is called Peyton and is played by bisexual actress Traci Dinwiddie while Marina’s character is named Elena and is played by Necar Zadegan.  After finding each other their world’s are turned upside down and inside out before they are able to come together at the end in what the movie calls “soulemetry.”

If it sounds slightly cheesy that’s because it is, but how many romantic movies aren’t.  However, Elena Undone moves beyond the typical themes of lesbian romance and brings a breath of fresh air to the genre.  It is truly a love story for adults with strong, complex female characters that addresses issues about religion, politics, and family without losing sight of the story.  Moreover, with two beautiful actresses breaking the record for the longest in film kiss, unedited to boot, it can be quite steamy as well!

The costume and makeup add to each woman’s character, one a homely pastor’s wife and the other a proud lesbian writer, without detracting from their natural glamour.  The music is also magnificently done, particularly Jennifer Corday’s Coming Undone which I was even inspired to look up and “like” on YouTube.  The cinematographer also must be recognized for his elegant work, particularly for the work he did on the now famous kiss scene.  It must be very intimidating to film such a scene when you know it can’t be edited later but it was masterfully done in a way that was both artistic and sensual.

Overall, I would give this movie three stars for having a good story, believable characterization, and strong themes.  I would love to give it a higher rating but there were a few weak points in my opinion.  I felt that a few of the scenes seemed forced and the ending felt slightly rushed, but this is not surprising for a film that was shot in only twelve days.  What is surprising is how strongly the actresses bonded with their characters and each other in such a short time!  I would still recommend this movie to anyone wanting a good love story, lesbian or not.

Is Being Trans Creepy

Oftentimes when talking to someone about transgender topics you will get guarded responses.  They will seem uncomfortable and say things like, “It’s just wrong.”  They won’t understand and won’t want to talk about it.  This kind of avoidance reaction is typical when dealing with things that “give us the creeps.”  We find things creepy for one of two reasons.

The first reason is when something seems unnatural and causes us discomfort.  But really, there should be no reason to see being trans as unnatural.  Being trans is often, if not always, caused by our biology and what could be more natural than that?  The root cause is sometimes even in our chromosomes, specifically our sex chromosomes, although this is not always the case.  Everyone knows that girls are XX and boys are XY; or are they?  Numeric abnormalities can leave a person with the wrong number of sex chromosomes.  For example, a girl can be simply X, or a boy can be XXY or even XXXY!  Structural defects of the sex chromosomes can leave you with a non-functioning or malfunctioning chromosome.  For example, a baby may be XY but the Y chromosome is defective and doesn’t work.  Either scenario can have an overwhelming impact on hormone production and development of the person.  Sometimes the person will turn out “normal” and fit well in the binary male/female society that we’ve created, but oftentimes they will be transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, or hermaphroditic.  This is actually more common than you would think as well.  In fact, at least 1 in 448 babies will have a sex chromosome abnormality.  Really, if it’s not hurting us or anyone else, why treat it as a bad thing?

Which brings me to my next point; the other way something can be creepy is by causing you fear when you can’t identify the threat.  The reason you can’t identify the threat of a trans person is because we are not threatening!  We aren’t crazy, we are just different.  We don’t want to “turn your children,” in fact we would not wish our struggles on our worst enemies.  We don’t have deviant sexualities!  We are only as sexual as the rest of the population, and we want loving partners and happy families just like everyone else.  There is no reason to be afraid of us.

If there is no reason to think being trans is unnatural or scary then there is no reason to be creeped out by trans people.  The more you learn about us or get to know us the more you will find that we are actually pretty normal.  So go find something else to spook yourself about!

Movie Review – Cloudburst

I love hearing the stories of old LGBT couples because they tell us how far we’ve come and give us the inspiration to keep going.  That’s why I jumped at the chance to watch Cloudburston Netflix.  It turned out not only to be a great comedy but also one of my new favorite lesbian films.

Writer and director Thom Fitzgerald, an out and proud bisexual man, knew what he was doing when he wrote the part of Stella for actress Olympia Dukakis, a straight ally and LGBT activist.  Her lover of 31 years, Dot, was played by Brenda Fricker, the first Irish woman to win an Oscar.  The story begins when they decide to elope in Canada in order to avoid being split up by family.  On the way they pick up Prentice, played by Ryan Doucette, who quickly becomes their new best friend and biggest advocate.  Together they cause all sorts of madness and mayhem that will have you laughing to split your sides.

Filmed in Nova Scotia, where much of the movie is said to take place, the backdrops are absolutely breathtaking and the lighting and settings capture the mood of every scene perfectly.  The music is generally of an older, jazzy generation that helps to frame the upbringing and experiences of the two older women.  Also, I have to commend the costume designer and makeup artist for turning Olympia Dukakis, Cher’s mother in Moonstruck who went on to play inSteel Magnolias, into a foul mouthed bull dyke.

I guarantee that these wild, wacky characters will have you on the edge of your seat waiting for their next adventure.  They did for me, and that’s why I rate this movie a solid 4 stars.  Since it’s available on Netflix, you can make this your instant choice for this weekend’s movie night.  Make sure you let me know what you think in the comments below.

I Finally Came Out

I know I'm still fairly young and I still have a long way to go on my journey of transition but it feels like I've done a lot already.  In fact, I've taken what I think is the biggest step of all.  I finally came out, and I mean to everybody!
I can still remember the first time I realized something was really different about me.  I was fourteen and I had a dream, but it was nothing like Mr. King's!  In my dream I was myself and there was a boy my age flirting with me and after a short while he leaned in to kiss me.  At this point it was like a movie camera had zoomed out, panned around to shift angles, and then zoomed back in.  Next thing I know, I'm the young guy and I'm kissing a beautiful girl.  I woke up with my heart racing, almost as fast as my mind, and burst into tears.  I sobbed desperately into my pillow out of embarrassment, confusion, and fear.
For the next four years it was a long road of denial.  I wasn't interested in men but that was only because I hadn't found the right one.  I was constantly looking at women but only because I was comparing my body to theirs' and certainly not because I thought they were attractive.  Eventually though, like all bad charades, mine came to a screeching halt.  I had fallen in love... with a girl!  I was eighteen and in college and she was my best friend.  From that moment on I could no longer deny my attraction to women.
I did, however, continue to date men and avoid my own masculinity.  I actually did fall in love with a man and we dated for two and a half years.  The problem was that as our relationship progressed I became more and more aware of the fact that I didn't want to be with him, I wanted to be him!  Near the end of our relationship he told me he could see me being a good man and a good boyfriend... just not to him.  It felt like the affirmation I had been waiting my whole life for, even though it came with a heavy price.
From that moment on I found every way I could to assert my masculinity, no matter how small or private.  I bought some men's clothes, told my  best friend how I felt, and started going to gay clubs.  I also started the blog you're reading now.  I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions I had been suppressing for years and the more I expressed my masculinity the more right it felt.
Now, don't get me wrong, this wasn't all peaches and cream.  For a while I became hyper masculine which on some level I knew was fake and awkward.  However, as time went on I settled into myself and accepted my femininity.  By doing this I stopped playing the macho role and became a man.
That's when I knew I had found my true identity and I was ready to come out.  There was no more questioning, only acceptance, and it was time for the world to know and accept me also.  I had opened up to my older sister, my best friend, and a few other people already.  Now came the hard part, telling my mother!  It happened so fast that I can barely remember.  I had not planned it, I was just telling her about my new life in Oregon and next thing I knew I was rambling on about how I've always really been a boy.  Poor Mom, she didn't know what to say, but she took it like a champ.  She simply asked me to give her time to process this new information.  I told her I understood and that of course I would.
After that it was fairly easy to come out.  I had my Mom, sisters, and best friend so there was no one left to worry about losing.  If there was anybody else that didn't want me in their life I didn't need them.  So, a week later I logged into Facebook and made one heck of a status update!  It detailed that I'm transgender, that my name is now William, and that I'm happy and proud.  I even changed my header photo to a rainbow that read "I'm coming out!"
The response I got was better than I'd dared to hope.  Friends and family from all over, even people I barely spoke to, left messages of love and support or at least a thumbs up.  It's been about a week and I have yet to be told that I'm an abomination by anyone.  I'm now living my life truer than ever before and, far from the scary, difficult road I thought it would be, it's one of the easiest things I've ever done.  The truth is always easier than a lie.  The difficulty is finding out what the truth is; that's the journey we are all on. 

As my journey continues I know there will continue to be hard decisions to make.  I have to choose when and how to start testosterone and whether or not surgery is right for me.  For now, the toughest decision I have to make is "Men's" or "Women's" when I go to the bathroom.  I still find it terrifying not knowing who or what is on the other side of that door!  Though now, I can handle it all knowing I am no longer alone.

Movie Review - House of Boys

Since the last two movies I reviewed focused on lesbians I decided to do this movie review on "House of Boys" which centers around gay teens.  It promised to focus on a young runaway who is hired as a dancer for a gay club so I was really looking forward to some award worthy drag performances.  However, I was sorely disappointed because the movie was anything but.
I began to sense that I wouldn't like the movie within the first ten minutes.  There are so many scene changes and unexplained character introductions that it's dizzying trying to follow it all.  Finally, we get to see our main character, Frank who is played by Layke Anderson, end up at the House of Boys.  He is introduced to Jake, played by Benn Northover, who is to be his roommate.  There's just one thing, Frank falls for Jake even though Jake is straight!
From this point things go from bad to worse and perhaps it's because there were three writers, Jean-Claude Schlim who was also the director, Christian Thiry, and Robert David Graham.  It seemed like the vision for this movie was ill conceived because the plot is slapped together haphazardly.  It's a shame because the actors are great and the characters fit together well, but the writers focused too much time on horrendous drag routines, unessential characters, and superfluous sex rather than on character development and dialogue.  By the end of it we find ourselves in the middle of a campaign to raise awareness of AIDS.  I don't have a problem with raising awareness, but it's not what the description promised.
Unfortunately, I can't even say the costumes or music were any better.  They were both hit and miss for me and some were downright cringe worthy!  At least the camera man knew what he was doing because the cinematography was very sharp and professional.
At the end of the day my favorite part of this movie was the transgender character Angelo who becomes Angela, played by Steven Webb.  Unfortunately, that's just not enough to change my mind or raise my rating.  I give this movie two stars and I wouldn't recommend it to watch.

How to Come Out to Your Parents

For many in the LGBT community coming out is a terrifying process and coming out to family seems akin to sentencing your own death.  We’ve been told for so long that as soon as we come out we will be abandoned by everyone that we know and love so we stay in the closet and we let the cobwebs grow.  I myself was worried sick for years and years, trying to change who I was and then simply hide who I was so that I wouldn't have to deal with telling my family.  I thought they would hate me and I was scared of being kicked out of the house or disowned.  While this never happened my relationship with my family was strained for many years both prior to and following my coming out.  I realize now that most of this was a direct result of my inability to communicate properly.  I was too scared to have an open, honest conversation with my family and so I let all communication die entirely.  Hopefully I can help you to avoid the mistakes that I made!  In order to successfully come out you are going to need a plan of action and these are the steps I wish I had taken so many years ago.  It would have saved my family and I a lot of heartache!

Step one is simply to focus on yourself.  You need to be honest with yourself about who you are and accept the person you are becoming.  Keep a journal and use it to work through your feelings and anxieties.  (Warning - make sure this journal is well hidden or destroy the paper you write on as soon as you are done!)  Write in a stream of conscious, where you just write every thought that comes to you as you have it, to bring to the front of your mind thoughts that you may otherwise deny or push away.  Or you can write your daily events and how they made you feel.  Also, I believe analyzing your dreams can help you to understand your thoughts and emotions and help you to make new discoveries about yourself.  To unlock the full potential of your dreams see my previous article on lucid dreaming.

Step two is to make sure that you stay connected with your family.  This may be difficult and even painful but it is very important.  At this point your family has not given you any reason to hate or mistrust them so don’t.  For a long time I assumed the worst of my family and began to treat them as if they had already disowned me.  This is the worst thing you can do!  You are only causing yourself and your family unnecessary pain and creating resentment that will make it even harder to come out.  You may even cause them to believe that your bad behavior is a direct result of you being LGBT and they may think it’s a psychological illness that need to be fixed.  Ultimately, our families love us and want us to be happy and hate anything that makes us unhappy, so stay positive!

Step three should be to do as much research on LGBT topics as possible!  Even if you think you are bisexual, research lesbian topics as well.  Even if you think you are gay, find out information on transgender issues.  At this point you are questioning because you really don’t know who you are and you have a lot to figure out!  It’s ok if you research something just to say that it doesn’t feel like what you are going through because the more you know about what you are not the easier it is to be sure of what you are.  You should also read about what science is discovering about being LGBT and what psychologists are learning about our community.  You should get familiar with LGBT terminology and read blogs and watch videos about actual LGBT people.

Step four is to find support groups either online, in your school, or in your community to help you through this time.  This is incredibly important because these support groups can help you with the first three steps.  They can also help you to connect with others in the LGBT community so that you can begin to create friendships and get helpful advice from others.

Step five is to begin creating dialogue with your family about LGBT topics.  You are already doing research and learning a great deal of new information about the LGBT community so use this to open a line of communication with your family.  This will give you the opportunity to understand what their feelings and beliefs are and to let them know that you support the LGBT community.  Even if your parents don’t like it, you do have the right to form your own opinions and to disagree with them.  For example, if they think homosexuality is unnatural then you can tell them about the hundreds of animals that have gay sex in the wild.  If they think being transgender is an illness you can tell them about fish and frogs that transition all the time.  All of these things can open their minds to new ideas without them even realizing.  That way when you are ready to tell them your secret they already have knowledge on the subject which they can draw from.  They will also understand you better and understand how this change is what you need to be happy.  The most important thing to remember here is that you are having a discussion, not an argument.  Never, yell, scream, cry, or call them names because they disagree.  Just know that they have deeply rooted beliefs and it’s going to take time for them to accept these new ideas.

***If at this point your family becomes adamant that LGBT people are sick or sinners, that they need conversion therapy, if they become extremely angry and scare you or threaten you, or if they abuse you in any way then stop talking to them about LGBT issues immediately and seek help from a counselor or therapist!  Do not come out to them if it will put you in danger in any way!***

Step six, tell a safe person.  By a safe person I mean someone who you can go to live with if things get bad at home.  Choose someone you know will love and support you no matter what.  This person should be someone you trust to keep your secret and not out you.  Someone who will allow you to tell your friends and family in your own way on your own time.  They could be an aunt or uncle or maybe even a friend’s parents.

Finally, as long as steps one through six have been successful and you feel ready, it’s time to tell your family.  Chose a time when everyone is calm and tell them you need to talk to them.  Be straight to the point and be firm.  Do not expect the worst and jump to conclusions and become defensive, angry, or upset.  Instead, try to stay as calm as possible.  They may not take it well and they may say ignorant or hurtful things, but most likely they don’t realize how they are being hurtful.  You need to allow them to make mistakes and ask stupid questions and just try to correct them and answer them as best as possible.  Tell them you love and trust them and want them to be a part of your life and that’s why you told them.  Tell them you can’t change but that you understand they need time to process and adjust.  And they do!  You have had years to understand and accept who you are and it’s been a hard road for you!  It’s going to be the same for them so understand that they will need to process this information and learn to accept it as well.  Things will (most likely) get better with time as long as you stay committed to being honest with them about who you are and continue to try to connect with them.

I sincerely hope that this helps you and that you are able to have a wonderful coming out experience.  Life on the other side is usually so much more free and enjoyable that you wonder what kept you in the closet so long.  It can be extremely rough at times, but I assure you that things get much easier as you get older.  This world is changing rapidly and the LGBT community is making large strides in becoming better understood, more accepted, and gaining more rights.  We’re all fighting for you so don’t forget that you also have a family in us!

Movie Review - Blue is the Warmest Color

Since my first introduction to this film was actually a negative response video on YouTube, I was understandably apprehensive about watching “Blue is the Warmest Color.”  However, my morbid curiousity got the better of me and I’m glad it did because I love this movie.

Interestingly enough the original writer, Julie Maroh, felt much the same as the YouTubers and hated the film.  She wrote it as a black and white graphic novel with only highlights of blue and thought that Abdellatif Kechiche, who adapted it to a screenplay and directed the film, misconstrued the concept.  She accused him of making it into a cheap, sexual fantasy rather than focusing on the raw emotion.

I have to disagree!  I think that the emotion between Adele, played by Adele Exarchopoulos, and Emma, played by Lea Seydoux, is subtle yet electrifying!  It’s painful yet beautiful to watch Adele grow into herself, first with the help of Emma and then startlingly alone.  Rather than spell out everything she is going through, the entire film is characterized by deep conversations and subdued foreshadowing to guide your understanding of the phases of Adele.  The beauty of this quiet approach is that it allows the viewer to draw on their own experiences to relate to the characters and form their own conclusions.

To complement this very stylistic approach the movie does use the color blue in much the same way as the graphic novel to highlight the passions, or lack thereof, of Adele.  The music is also very quiet and subtle, almost imperceptible, to subliminally enhance your emotions without distracting from the raw, gritty realism picked up by the camera.

Overall, I think this movie is incredible and I give it 4.5 stars making it a must see.  I recommend it on a night when you wish to be swept away by nostalgia to remember the whirlwind of your first romance.

Why Learn How to Lucid Dream

There seems to be a lot of discussion lately on lucid dreaming, especially amongst the YouTube-ing community.  In fact, I’ve made several of my own videos about lucid dreaming which you can find at the link below.  In case you don’t already know what a lucid dream is, it’s when you know that you are dreaming as you dream.  This gives you the potential to manipulate your dream world so that you can do whatever you want.  

I first heard the concept of lucid dreaming in middle school when one of my friends told me he could control his dreams.  Of course, he was just using this ability to release sexual tension.  I tried for a while and had very little success (I could never convince my dream characters that it was a good idea to have sex with me) so I gave up… until recently.  I recently rediscovered lucid dreaming and found a whole new context for how it could be used; that is, dream therapy.

Now, you may be thinking I’m crazy, saying to yourself, “You need real therapy!”  How can you have therapy without a therapist?  Well, it’s true, I’m not saying you should give your therapist a pink slip and start sleeping all the time.  However, dreaming can be a powerful tool, especially if you are going through something as difficult as transitioning your gender.  The reason it’s so great is that during your dreams you have access to your subconscious mind.  When you talk to a therapist most of what they are doing is trying to unlock your true feelings, your inner most fears and desires.  What if instead of spending countless hours in endless therapy sessions going around in circles you could ask your subconscious directly and have an answer in seconds?  In your dreams you can!

If you have a lucid dream you can close your eyes and tell yourself, “I want to speak to my subconscious.”  Then you can imagine your subconscious mind as a dream character standing in front of you.  When you open your eyes they should be there and then you will be able to have a conversation with them.  You can ask them questions that your conscious mind hasn’t been able to or hasn’t allowed you to answer yet.  Sometimes, your subconscious character will even give you information that you didn’t think to ask about or lead you to new questions you haven’t thought of yet.  By doing this you can access your true feelings and do away with a lot of confusion.

You can also use your dreams as a chance to meditate on positive intentions for your life and your goals.  Specifically, as a transgender person you can create a mantra like, “I am ready for transition.  I am happy about my transition.  I will love myself before, during, and after my transition.”  This can dramatically reshape your mood and give you more confidence.  Also, if you have a particular fear about transition your can choose to either face that fear head on or you can talk to your subconscious dream character about that fear in order to get advice.  This can be a powerful way to overcome hurdles that might otherwise stall or even prevent your transition!

I’ve also come up with my own “lucid dream program” to aid my transition.  First, I will meditate on seeing myself as a masculine person and affirming to myself that I am already a man.  I am confident that this will carry over to my real life and make me more confident in my masculinity and my transition.  Also, I am a big believer in the power of mind over body because I have seen and experienced first hand amazing results with meditation and thought channeling.  Therefore, I will also use my dreams to tell my body that I am overflowing with Testosterone.  I will tell myself that this Testosterone is changing my body by causing more muscle mass, growing a beard, shutting down my menstrual cycle, and deepening my voice.  I can’t say for sure that this will work or what kind of results I will get if it does, but I’m confident it will at least have low levels of effectiveness.  I also think it will make me excited about transition and make me feel more positive about my masculine body image.

At any rate, your overall goal with lucid dream therapy should be to learn more about yourself and learn how to accept and love yourself for who you really are.  Transition can be scary and it can take us years to realize that it’s what we need to be happy!  Sometimes, we start transition only to realize how difficult it is and we become too scared to continue.  If you can use your dreams to make this process easier to understand and easier to deal with I say, “Why not!”  It’s free, it’s fun, and you do it every night anyway!  

Sweet dreams...

If you want to learn how to lucid dream watch my instructional YouTube video at:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-63tIzEpvvA

If you want to hear about my lucid dreams visit my YouTube channel at:

https://www.youtube.com/user/EamonWill/videos